Careful! Slippery sentences ahead.
I’m not usually big on email forwards, but I got this one from my grandfather and I loved it.
The Q&A below is why I love language so much…it’s so slippery and inexact. The particular challenge of being a writer is saying what you mean (or at least, what you think you mean). And certainly the English language doesn’t make that very easy to do!
Plus, I just love one liners. If you knew me in high school, you might have known that my favorite joke was:
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.
It still cracks me up!
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page
Slippery
Q3. The Delaware flows in which state?
* liquid
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half
Also slippery.
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* wet
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ??
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Concrete floors are very hard to crack.
*I can’t find the source material on this, so if you know where it originated please do let me know!
Enter my LOVE TO READERS Contest.
QUESTION: What’s your favorite short joke?
Why did the clock get sick?
It was run down!
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
A nervous wreck!
Why are astronauts successful people?
Because they always go up in the world!
What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
my favorite “short” joke? (careful with those slippery words! HA!)
“A shot person walks into the library & asks the librarian “Do you have any books on irony?”, the librarian replies “yeah, it’s on the top shelf”
for real though a favorite is:
“have you heard the one about the woman who asks a bartender if he knows how to make an innuendo?”
“no”
“oh. well he gave it to her!”
zing!
oh man. i gotta be careful, too. that is supposed to be a SHORT person. not SHOT person. I guess it’s time for another cup of coffee, huh?
Those are too funny.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I’m going to try to post this one last time, my phone is messing up!!
Here are a few I heard recently that made me laugh :]
Q: What’s the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
A: Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
Q: What’s invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit farts!
Kellee… I love the pea soup one best. Oh man…it’s messed up! lol! “Pea” as a verb!
d, lol. short jokes…you’re right. I was asking for that.
Laney4 and Mary, thanks for posting! I LOVE this one
What is the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half!
I don’t have any quick quips to add. I am loving all these though thank you!! Very clever & funny.
marypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com
Q: Why is it illegal to feed cows round bales of hay?
A: They can’t get a square meal.
Don’t remember any short jokes but I do remember this
Cow leather has many uses. What is the main use?
To hold the cow together.
I enjoyed the other jokes
Mary–it’s okay! Thanks for posting!
Ginger…hilarious…that is a serious contender for a new fave.
Joye, oh wow. I LOVE that…
When we were kids, we had one of those “obvious” jokes that was so so hysterical.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Wait for it…wait for it…
“Where’s my tractor?”
Awful! And so funny. The joke is on the listener who is expecting a REAL joke. Really, what could be funnier!